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Bi Phobia/Bi Phobic
is
fear of bisexuals or being bisexual.
Bi Curious
Someone who is Bi-Curious is someone who has a relationship with one
gender (often a man in a relationship with woman) and has sexual or
erotic fantasy about an erotic experience with someone of the same
gender.
Bi Prejudice
Many people who identify as bisexual have had prejudice against them
from both straight identified and gay identified people.
"Get
off the fence!" "Make a decision!" are some of the epithets that a
bi-sexual person may hear. And. This may keep that person "in
the closet" regarding his or her self identifying as a bi-sexual
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Did you know...
that giraffes are bisexual?
A fun example that I like to discuss
regarding bisexuality is the sexuality of the giraffe.
Many giraffes have homosexual relationships (mating and socializing) during the first part of their lives,
but have heterosexual relationships for the remainder of their lives
(Biological Exuberance, Bruce Bagemihl, Ph.D.).
Bisexuality is the physical, emotional, and/or sexual
attraction to both men and women. From my perspective it's important
to distinguish just what it is that we're talking about when talking about
an the above types of attractions, so let's define our terms.
Physical attraction
is being attracted to the physical body, but not
necessarily desiring sex. This is sort of like men looking at other guys and
admiring their physiques at the gym. Men are often taught, I know that I
was, that it wasn't OK for a man to say of or to another man "you're
handsome," or "you're a handsome guy." While this doesn't say anything
about one's sexual orientation, for many men, it's interpreted that way.
Emotional attraction is
about connecting with someone on the emotional level. This just means that I
would feel that this person or that person gets me more than
another. If I feel you get me, I'm going to be more open to you.
Some women have more of an
emotional attraction to other women in that they feel understood more
accurately, some men feel more emotionally attracted to men--they feel
heard more by another man than by a woman. Technically speaking, this is
defined as homoemotional.
Sexual Attraction is
naturally desiring to have sex with a person. This would include being
physically attracted to a person, but not necessarily being emotionally
attracted to them. Some might call this lust, and that's fine.
Sexuality itself is very
fluid, very dynamic. Sexuality is
longitudinal, which means that it is expressed over time, and
latitudinal (at a given point in time).
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There are
many people...who will argue that bi sexuality doesn't really exist, that it's
more of what someone might say if he or she is really gay, but hasn't fully
accepted that part of themselves.
While popular
culture wants one thing or the other (I'm referring to someone identifying
as either straight or gay), someone identifying as bi-sexual truly has a
unique perspective.
While many
may identify as bisexual and really are gay, it doesn't mean that bi-sexuality doesn't
exist.
In a recent bisexual
training that I went to (early 2005), a study was referenced where there
were a significant number of self-identified gay men who had had sex with women within the past six months of them taking the survey
(done in 2004).
Because these
men are self identified as gay and recently had sex with women, wouldn't
they identify as bi-sexual? Maybe, but per the report they didn't feel
that way. It's not how they identified themselves to themselves (or to the
survey).
There are many married men who have occasional sexual relations with men
from time to time. Does this mean that they are actually
gay or bi-sexual? Maybe. Maybe not.
I could be married, identify as
straight and have sexual relations with men. Would I identify as bi-sexual?
Many do, and many might still identify as straight.
Sexuality is
fluid, it happens longitudinally (over time), and latitudinally
(at a given point in time).
Ultimately,
it's how I personally identify myself to myself that's
important. And. Do I accept me for how I identify, do I accept me with all
my attractions? That's a really good question from my perspective.
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Coming Out...from what closet, and what does the closet really represent?
(NOTE: This is the same article in my Sexual Questions area of my site!)The phrase "coming out" often is related to a man or a woman who is gay or
lesbian "coming out" of the closet, implying a "hiding" of the
acknowledgment of one's sexual orientation. This can be a HUGE deal.
From my perspective, coming out has even broader meanings. For instance, there are
straight individuals that "come out" as being into SM or BD
(sadism/masochism or bondage/domination). Others "come out" as nudists, or
doll collectors, or any number of things. The idea of "coming out" really started with Plato's "Cave" analogy (ask me about that when you come in!). In our lives, secrets can eat us up from the inside-out. Letting out the secret in a safe way, in a safe space is the "coming out of the closet." It's the sending up the balloon of our fears and truly releasing it so that we feel more whole in our lives.
Coming
out has the implication of bringing a part of myself, whatever part that
may be, into acknowledgment and ultimately, acceptance. Acceptance of
something about myself that I've not up to this point accepted.
As I see it,
it takes courage to come out. Whether the acknowledgement is one of a sexual
nature or of something completely different.
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NEWS |
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Thank You Metropolitan Community Church
of
West Hollywood, California!
I had the honor of facilitating a discussion on
"Emotionally Safe Sex"
with the "Youth Tribe" on
Friday December 8, 2006
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Sex Coaching |
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I begin to explore the depth and richness of sexuality at
www.sexcoach.net
- If you're interested in developing a relationship with your sexuality, know that it can be a profound avenue to explore.
- Information on Sexually Transmitted Infections and Diseases
- Pre-couple counseling
- Information on SM/BD that was once contained on this page ins now at:
www.sexcoach.net
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