Anger is Okay. It's just an emotion. Often, too often we get it mixed up with violence, which is not anger. We too often get it mixed up with physical harm or threats of harm, which isn't anger...these are violence and threats of violence, which is abusive. All too often we don't call out, stop or even identify abuse when we see it. Maybe that's because we're so accustomed to experiencing abuse that we don't know that it is abuse, so we term it or label abuse as anger, when it's not.

Therein lies the rap--the bad rap that's been given to an otherwise natural, normal, necessary emotion. Let's not forget the socialization of anger, either. 

Men are often socialized so that anger is the only emotion that they're allowed to feel, if they feel hurt, sad, shy or ashamed, they're deemed as a woman or gay or weak. So many men, not all of course, may feel more comfortable in feeling the emotion of anger. For some, it could turn out to be an addictive pattern of anger (angry all the time).

Women are all too often told they can't have their anger at all...it's not polite, it's unseemly, or maybe she'll be physically hurt if she expresses her anger. For some women it's the goal of therapy to express the anger, to really show what's been held down. I help in channeling the anger.

Anger is a Secondary Emotion, I call that the Anger Level, which means that anger isn't the first response that our brains have during an incident--it's not the first emotion that we feel. Often the first emotion that we'll feel is fear, we'll feel afraid. Our brains are much faster than we think, and often we think that anger is the first emotion, but we'd be mistaken. Time and time again I've seen this simply isn't the case. Fear is a Primary Emotion.

This is the level on which I work, the Primary Level. So if I'm angrily blaming so-and-so for what they've done, or if I'm angry at Sparky for not doing something right, you can bet that I welcome that anger in it's expression, and, I'll look to get to the primary emotions, issue or issues that are driving the anger.

Here's the key to Anger Resolution, are you ready?

(The key is that it's not about the anger).

Here's something that I've found VERY interesting...it's the origin of the word Anger...have a look:

ETYMOLOGY:
Middle English, from Old Norse angr, sorrow; see angh- in Indo-European roots